Do you ever feel... affected by your parents splitting up?

Coping with change
The reasons why your parents split up may not be clear to you. Whatever the cause, you can be sure it is not your fault. Parents split up because of problems between themselves. Whatever the reason for the break up, your life will change in important ways. For example:-

	It may mean that you have to move house
	It may mean that you have to change school
	It may mean that what you do every day has to be reorganised or you may find that you can no longer do something you enjoy.
	It may mean having less money or not being able to go where you want.

You will probably live most of the time with one parent, and you may spend weekends and holidays with the other. This may mean seeing less of one parent, and seeing them outside your usual home. If you are spending time in different homes, make sure your parents know what things you need to take with you. Make sure they know about things you've arranged to do, such as going to sports clubs or phoning friends at a certain time. They will have a lot to think about and may need reminding about what you want.

You should always remember that it's quite normal to have strong feelings when families break up. Sometimes you will have lots of different feelings at the same time.

Living with new people:-
Sometimes when parents split up new families come together. Other adults and children may move into your home, or you may move with one of your parents to live with another family. These are big changes and they affect a large number of people, including the parents who don't live with you, and other family members like grandparents. Everyone will have to make adjustments, and it will take time to get used to doing things differently.

Coping with feelings:-
Not only will there be many changes happening around you, but your parents break up is likely to stir up some very strong feelings in you. These feeling are normal and you should not be ashamed. You may feel:

	angry
	guilty
	sad or upset
	rejected and unwanted
	uncertain about everything
	depressed
	a mixture of love and anger for your parents

Living in a new family means learning about the way they do things. A stepparent may have different ideas about discipline, bedtimes or even religion. They may not have the same backgrounds as you, and their ideas may be very different.

Getting help from others:-
It is important to talk about what is happening to you, and to make sure that people around you understand how you feel. This may be someone inside the family or someone outside, such as a friend, teacher or youth worker.

Back to Index